How Terminator: Salvation Should Have Been
(Author’s Note: I have to give credit to my friend Emmett for this too, because this is based on a conversation we had.)
Terminator: Salvation was a pretty cool movie, but I think it would have been a lot better if John Connor didn’t know that Kyle Reese was his father. Mainly because they could have included this scene:
After destroying one of Skynet’s major factories, JOHN CONNOR and a group of soldiers — including KYLE REESE — are celebrating by getting completely wasted. While babbling about being the chosen one and gesturing furiously, John accidentally drops a picture of his mother on the table. A soldier picks it up.
Soldier: Hey, who’s this?
John: Nothing, that’s no one, give it back.
Soldier: She’s kinda hot, dude. Do we need to tell your girlfriend about this?
John: That’s my mom, you assholes, now give it back.
Soldier: Whoa! That’s your mom? Lucky!
Kyle Reese takes the picture and looks at it for a long while. He then looks up at John with all seriousness.
Kyle: I’m gonna fuck your mom, John.
John: Dude, shut up.
Kyle: No, seriously.
John: She’s been dead for more than 10 years, dickhead.
Kyle: No man, you know that time machine we found in Skynet’s lab? I’m totally gonna use that to go back in time and bone your mom.
John: Seriously. Shut up.
Kyle: I’m gonna go back in time and you know what I’m gonna say to her?
John: Oh God no. Kyle, don’t say it.
Kyle: “Cum with me if you want to live.”